Beach City's Most Wanted
by BreadlessSandwich
Summary: After a destructive fight with a monster, Beach City is left in shambles. The people are finally fed up and decide to do something about it. With only the help of a morally inadequate lawyer against the rather quirky townspeople, they must find a way to remedy this problem.
1. A Series of Unintentional Damages

"Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl! Where are you?"

Steven was wandering around town, looking for the Crystal Gems. Earlier, they had left to fight a monster which was spotted approaching the place. They boy was still sleepy before, so instead he simply went back to sleep. Now that he is up and ready, he plans to catch up.

"My shop!" A voice yelled.

Locks of golden hair were held by sizable fingers; Mr. Fryman knelt down in disbelief, furious at what has happened to his treasured shop. From the looks of it, somebody or something had crashed into it and now it's barely recognizable, aside from dirt and rubble. Peedee was busy sweeping and cleaning up while Ronaldo started taking pictures.

"My sign!" Another voice yelled. "Again!"

Mr. Kofi was shouting at the top of his voice, any louder and he'd probably scream his lungs out. The Pizzas were outside, witnessing what happened to their place. It was a wreck, a ruin, a wrecked ruin. The infuriated man was shouting words which Steven couldn't understand and it may be for the best if the boy didn't.

"Rawawawararawarawa!" The completely incoherent ramblings draw the attention of everyone.

The boatman, who was Onion's father, was soundly complaining, but no one is certain about what and why. His boat was nowhere to be found but the tip of a mast was peering out of the waters. Onion on the other hand was passively eating, unaffected to the things happening around.

Steven notices that the town was in total chaos. Most of the shops were in shambles, as if they were rammed and people were running around, visibly upset. The boy wonders if the gems had something to do with it. His thoughts were stopped by an ear-piercing shout.

"My van!"

It was the Mayor, holding a mangled replica of his head in his hands. His van was completely thrashed, pieces of it was scattered around and one of the tires was rolling. One of his guards was talking to Greg. The man was asking Greg if he could fix the van in which Greg could only answer while pointing at the pile of scrap metal, "That's a van?"

"Dad what happened here?" Steven asks his father.

"Oh hey Steven." Greg waves at his son. "I was asleep when this whole ruckus happened."

"YOU!"

The Mayor charges towards Steven, furiously pointing his finger to the boy.

"Look at what your friends did, the whole place is a mess! I knew you… you… people were trouble!"

"Now Dewey, my son is innocent." Greg says.

"Don't you Dewey me, this little guy is guilty!"

"The gems didn't do this; I mean they didn't do it on purpose." Steven answers.

"Unintentional damage is still damage." The Mayor hangs his head. "You will be hearing from me, no, from us."

The Mayor silently walks away, takes a look at his broken van and places the head back which promptly falls down to the ground, mangling it even further. The onlookers return to their chores for there was much to be done. Steven kept on bowing down as an apology even though it wasn't his fault.

"I think it's better if you go home Steven, I'll just take care of thing heres." Greg tells Steven.

The boy nods and quietly leaves the scene. He thought about what Mayor Dewey said, that they will be from him, no, from them. Surely the Mayor will not hold a grudge and seek revenge; the Gems are doing this so they can protect Beach City although he could agree that they could be less destructive. Steven could see the Gems' silhouettes from inside the house.

Steven enters the house and sees Pearl and Amethyst arguing as usual while Garnet was picking some rubble off her big, puffy hair.

"Oh! So it's wrong if I flick the monster somewhere far away but if you do it we call it 'strategic countermeasures?'" Amethyst snarls at Pearl.

"Well of course! What can we do about it? It was far too fast and far too strong, if we kept on fighting it, the whole place would have been leveled!"Pearl answers back.

"Guys, did you do that?" Steven asks.

"Hey Steven! Yeah, we kind of did that but Garnet did most…" Garnet fixes her sights at the purple gem. "Well, we contributed equally."

"What were you fighting? The town looks like a tornado passed through it."

"A marshmallow with horns." Amethyst answers.

"What."

"For lack of a better description, yes, it was a marshmallow with horns." Pearl surprisingly agrees.

Steven tries to picture in his head what the aforementioned monster looks like. First, he thought of a simple fluffy marshmallow. Then, he adds horns on it. Lastly, he imagines it laying waste upon the whole city while fighting the Crystal Gems. Steven's brows furrows as he thinks the idea is completely ridiculous and bizarre.

"Anyways, the people aren't really happy with what happened there. I don't think they're gonna let this slide." Steven bites his lip.

"Nah." Amethyst shakes her shoulders. "We're heroes; we can get away with it."

"Well, we did what we have to do." Pearl adds.

Before Steven could respond the telephone rings. The boy picks it up then answers and much to his delight, it was Connie.

"Hello." The girl greets.

"Hey Connie!" Steven replies.

"Hi Steven, I was wondering if we could hang out two days from now?" A goofy smile builds up on Steven's face.

"Yeah, of course, about ten maybe?"

"Ten sounds nice."

"Um… Connie, can I ask a question?"

"Yes?"

"You've read a lot of stories right? If a hero kind of destroys the place unintentionally, what happens?" Steven asks.

"Well…" Connie stops to think. "Nothing really."

"Oh, so it's all good then. See you tomorrow after tomorrow."

"Bye." Connie puts down the phone.

Steven finally calms down as he hears what Connie said. The Gems are heroes so everything should be fine, right? The boy turns around and is greeted by Pearl and Amethyst's smiling faces.

"Looks like someone's got a date." Amethyst teases.

"This should be lovely; I'll go prepare what you're going to wear." Pearl leaves while happily humming a tune.

"You know what guys, I'm hungry."

_Meanwhile…_

"So how much did it cost us this time?" The Mayor asks.

"Quite a lot sir." The man in the suit replies. "Beach City hasn't seen this kind of damage since that pyromaniac, William Buford Buchanan, was here."

"It is isn't it? Say, how did that man die anyway?"

"He tried to burn his house for the 69th time but unfortunately for him, he forgot that he locked the door."

"This problem isn't going to go away that easily right?" The Mayor chuckles. "Call Franky I have made my decision." Mayor Dewey orders him.

"What is it sir?"

"I am going to sue."


	2. All Fun and Games Til Someone Gets Sued

"Guys, we have a problem!"

Greg bursts through the door and unfortunately crashes down on the floor. The poor man had been running as fast as he could just to get to there, quite impressive for someone of his size. He spent moments on the floor, huffing and wheezing, trying to catch his breath. Pearl sees Greg down on the ground but is much more concerned about his sweat dirtying the floor.

"The *wheeze* Mayor *wheeze* is *wheeze*." Pearl couldn't understand a word Greg was trying to say.

"Please Greg, take your breath. Please."

The man tries to stand up, still breathing heavily. He notices that he has a piece of paper stuck to his hand. Greg tries to shake it off but it was firmly attached on his hand so he tries to take it off by hand. *Rip*. Greg stands awkwardly as he holds the two pieces of torn paper while Pearl hopes it was nothing important.

"So what were you trying to say?" Pearl asks.

"The Mayor is suing you for damages!" Greg announces as he spreads out his arms.

Pearl stands indifferently and cocks her head down as if she was talking to a madman.

"Don't you understand? You guys are in trouble now! They're filing charges against you!"

"Okay, so what are the charges?"

Greg looks at the torn papers on his hands, he looks back to Pearl and then back to his hands.

"Well… there was a long list of what you wrecked, some dine and dash and most of them involving a purple skinned lady."

"Purple-skinned lady?"

"Yeah."

"Amethyst?"

"Yeah."

"Lady?

"I know."

Pearl sighs as she looks for the mop to clean the floor with. Amethyst comes inside, grumbling about something. The purple gem runs her sight down on Greg's body and turns her gaze outside. It wasn't raining so she wonders why Greg was wet, and then she remembers why. Because he was fat. She snickers. She then looks at her own body. She snickers again.

"Amethyst where were you?" Pearl asks as she starts to clean up the floor.

"Eh, I went out to find something to eat. There weren't many shops open and when I try to go to the others they were closing." The purple gem scratches her hair. "Weird."

Steven walks into the room and quietly sits down on the couch. He holds Sir Bearington on his hand and a half eaten donut on the other. The boy had just woken up so his sights were a bit hazy. Seeing his father was there, he waves at him then hugs his donut and takes a bite out of the stuffed toy.

"Yo Pearl, why is Greg here?"Amethyst points at Greg.

"He says that the Mayor is suing us for all the damages." Pearl answers.

"What? How dare they? After giving them a chance to renovate this is how they repay us?"

"What exactly happens with this suing thing?" Pearl asks Greg.

"I don't know, I never had any trouble with the law before."

Pearl raises a brow.

"It's true!"

Amethyst raises a brow.

"I swear!"

Steven realizes that he was eating his teddy bear and promptly spits what was inside his mouth.

"Alright, alright, fine. If you destroyed something you have to pay for it, I think."

"Great, how much is it? Ten, twenty dollars?" Amethyst keeps on suggesting prices.

"Actually, it's $250,000, and that was yesterday's cost."

"We don't have that kind of money!" Pearl's raised voice wakes Steven up. "What happens when we can't pay?"

"Well…" Greg scratches the back of his head. "We'll have to pay something else."

The group looks around the house; they know that they couldn't pay that enormous amount. The thought of putting up the temple as collateral was dreadful. Pearl pictured them as homeless, probably living on the streets and scrounging up things to earn in order to feed Steven. On the bright side, Amethyst would fit right in.

"Wait, wait, wait…" Amethyst hold up her hand. "Don't we get to explain things through a… what were they called again? Liars?"

"You mean lawyers?" Greg corrects her.

"Same thing."

"Actually, that's the good news. Since we can't afford a lawyer, they're providing us one."

The group falls into silence as they slip back into thought. All they can do now is wait for their lawyer to come in order to fix things up. This problem should be remedied fast, for Steven's sake.

_Meanwhile at the town hall…_

"Mr. Mayor, Miss Clarissa would like to speak with you." The secretary said.

"Who?"

"Miss Clarissa Sir."

"Who is she?

"Your lawyer sir."

"Oh." Mayor Dewey scratches his face. "Let her in."

The door opens and a brown-haired lady puts her head in. She pushes the door slowly while she carries piles of paperwork on her tiny arms. Clarissa then places it on the table, obstructing their view of each other. The Mayor shifts himself to his right while Clarissa shifts to her right as well. They switch sides but still unable to see each other. Annoyed, they decide to just keep it that way.

"Yes Miss Clarissa, how may I help you?" The Mayor greeted.

"Err… Sir, there are some things that I want to clarify." The lawyer picks up a folder.

"Sure, go ahead."

"First off, we can't sue a minor for walking in the Boardwalk."

"I see."

"Another, you are suing them for stealing the…" Clarissa squints and nears her head to the paper. "Ocean?"

"Yes."

"Would you care to elaborate?"

"They stole the ocean."

"I'm afraid I'm going to need more than that."

"The ocean was stolen by them."

"One last thing, you say most of Beach City was destroyed because of a…" She squints down once again. "A meteor shower… May I ask why?"

"We had no one else to blame."

"Oookay…"

Clarissa thinks it would be impossible for her to take a clear answer from the Mayor so she simply quiets down and rereads the files. The list was very long and it took the whole night for her to read it all. Disregarding all the frivolous lawsuits the Mayor decided to file, most of them were property damage charges. The lawyer imagines what sort of people could have done such things, unintentional or not.

"I believe it would be best if I leave now. One more thing, can you direct me which way is the courthouse?" Clarissa starts to pick up the pile of paperwork.

"Courthouse? We don't have any, well, not anymore." Dewey replies.

"What."

"It was burned down thrice so we decided to leave it at that."

"Then where will the trial be held?"

"We decided that it would be a public trial somewhere in town since it concerns everyone in Beach City."

"That makes sense." Clarissa then mutters to herself. "The most sense you made all day."

Clarissa then closes the door while still struggling with her load. She lets her mind wander off again, thinking about the future and the new people around her. Beach City? Odd. The Mayor? Strange. The residents? Quirky. The mysterious speeding object that nearly hit her bike? Mysterious. She bites her lip and tells herself.

"This is going to be weird."


	3. Lord of the Lies

"Is this really necessary Pearl?" Steven asks as Pearl tries to neatly place the bowtie on his neck.

It was an hour and a half before ten, the time Connie promised that she will come. Pearl seemed to be much more excited than Steven considering that she had spent the past two hours toiling over what the boy would wear. Steven's curly hair was neatly combed and after choosing from 13 different outfits, they settled for a red jacket over a simple shirt.

"Gee Pearl, where's the wedding ring?" Amethyst jeers.

"Come now Amethyst, Steven should always make a good impression. Unlike the last time…" Pearl replies.

"Oh come on, it not my fault that you don't like having stuff inside you." The remark earns a glare from Pearl.

Pearl adds some finishing touches here and there and voila! The new Steven Universe 2.0, exactly the same but better. The proud gem nods at her work, satisfied of what she had made. Steven begins to look around for Lion, which wasn't in the room. A few moments later, a commotion could be heard from the outside.

The group peered out the window and saw Lion biting down on the head of a stranger in a gray suit. The victim struggles for a while but ultimately just gives up and just leaves himself hanging on the jaws of the pink feline. One could hear him calling out for help although it sounded really bored and it went off rather deadpan. They quickly go outside to see what they could do to help.

"Who is he?" Steven asks.

They look around for clues. First, the man was formally dressed. Second, he had a briefcase with him. Lastly, he had a raspy voice befitting of a villain. Yep, it was their lawyer.

"Lion put that poor man down!" Pearl orders.

Lion reluctantly opens his mouth and lets the lawyer fall down. The man quickly fixes his glasses and dusts off his suit. He just stands there quietly but still visibly agitated by the unruly welcome. The silent standoff lasts for some minutes only to be broken by the timely arrival of Connie.

"Hey Steven, sorry if I arrived a bit early, are you ready to go?" Connie greets.

Steven sheepishly nods and waves goodbye to Pearl and Amethyst. He quickly mutters an "I'm sorry" to the stranger before leaving with Connie and Lion runs off somewhere. After a few moments, Garnet comes along and notices the three standing like statues. Garnet stops for a little while to join the group then shrugs and leaves the trio.

"Sooo… Hi!" Pearl tries to break the silence.

"Hi…" The man had a gritty voice as if he had been drinking his water with nails in it.

"Nice weather we're having." The gem tries to make a smile.

The man looks up. "It's cloudy."

"Ah, so it is."

Amethyst elbows Pearl. "Way to go genius."

The stranger opens his briefcase and begins to pull out some documents. He begins to scan the words swiftly; his face begins to show signs of disbelief as he reads through them. The lawyer adjusts his glasses and lets out an exasperated sigh.

"I suppose either one of you is Amethyst."

"That would be me." The purple gem raises her hand.

"You don't look like much of a trouble-maker."

"Hah!" Amethyst crosses her arms. "Never judge a book by its cover!"

"I was afraid of that." The lawyer turns his sights back at the paper. "You are Pearl, I presume."

"Err… Yes." Pearl says while fidgeting. "I believe it would be better if we were inside."

"That would be much preferable."

Amethyst opens the door and skips inside while Pearl waits for their guest to enter.

"I would really like to apologize for earlier, I hope…" Pearl was cut off.

"Miss Pearl, please. The first thing you say after seeing me being potentially decapitated was to mention that the weather is nice which it isn't. I'll just pretend nothing has happened for it was a lion and a pink one at that. Now we have _much_ to discuss."

The lawyer walks inside and Pearl just sighs at the series of misfortune that they're having. The stranger was bitter but at least forgiving. The man looks around the house, eyeing every corner of the place. The house was a bit of a mess since Pearl was too busy attending to Steven. Amethyst sits down on the couch beside Garnet, who may or may not have an idea on what is happening.

"I would like to introduce myself; I am Edmund Stone, your lawyer. If you were not informed, I work for free. I am here to know more about this…" Edmund shakes his head. "Thing."

"What thing?" Garnet asks.

Edmund raises a brow. "Are you aware that you are being sued?"

"For what?"

"Well…" The lawyer opens his briefcase and starts to pull out papers after papers. "As far as I am concerned, there are a lot. Surely not everything here is true…" He looks around on the general weirdness of the place and his clients. "But from what I can see and what has happened to me, I could be wrong."

"We are aware that we are in trouble for property damage but I assume that could be justified." Pearl says.

"Yeah, what's up with that? We're saving their lives and they still complain?" Amethyst adds.

"You are saving their lives?" Edmund asks.

"Yes. We are the Crystal Gems, protector of Beach City." Garnet announces.

"Sure…" Edmund smiled and slowly shook his head as if saying "Oh really?"

"I'll put it this way, how would you feel if you were building something then somebody knocks it over unintentionally because they're doing something that's for your own good. You agree at first but then it keeps on happening over and over again and then you realize rebuilding isn't for free." He continues.

"I would get upset of course." Pearl answers.

"Upset?" Amethyst scoffs. "The last time I toppled your pile of books you gave me a 30-minute sermon."

"I guess the feeling is not a stranger to you. Moving on, I would like to know more about everything."

"Shoot."

"You are listed here as the Crystal Gems." He looks up and sees the Gems nod. "Your relationship with each other is?"

The Gems look at each, waiting for one of them to give an answer. Edmund proceeds to write something down.

"What are you writing there?" Pearl demands for an answer.

"A drawn-up conclusion. You are living in a secluded part of the beach with no one to bother you in your lonesome. You can do anything you want here with no one to judge you. I think you know what I just wrote."

The trio fell into silence trying to figure out and when they did their eyes widen and faces blush. Pearl and Amethyst start to incoherently ramble and point fingers at each other while Garnet stays silent but still flustered.

"W-what?! We aren't… I-I mean that's ab-absolutely ridiculous!" Pearl stutters like mad.

"Listen here four-eyes, just because you are our lawyer doesn't mean you can do that!" Amethyst's words seethed through her teeth. "Who could like this nerd, with that weird hairstyle and soothing voice and those big…round… intelligent eyes…" Pearl slowly turns her head towards Amethyst who tries to avert her gaze away from the gem.

"Fine, fine." Edmund smiled once again with that "Oh really" look. "I'll change it."

He adds a word to the description.

In-denial.

"Anyway, now I would like you to tell me what exactly happened."

After calming down, the Crystal Gems nod in unison.

"I'll give you the situation and please explain it with no weirdness whatsoever."

"We can't promise you that." Garnet says.

"First, stealing the ocean…" Edmund tries to fight back the laughter. "So what happened here?"

"It wasn't out fault, it was Lapis Lazuli." Amethyst answers. "Besides, we returned the ocean anyway."

"I see. Next, a meteor shower that destroyed a good portion of Beach City."

"We destroyed the Redeye using a Light Cannon but its debris fell down which destroyed those establishments." Pearl explains.

Edmund blinks in disbelief and decides not to ask further about the topic.

"So about this fire-breathing Lars thing that burned some of the buildings and a… giant ice cream?" He then whispers. "The ice cream… What a waste."

Everyone moves their sights to Amethyst who just shrugs.

"Hey, it was funny."

"About what happened from the past few days, let me guess, you were fighting a giant acid-spewing centipede."

"No. It was a marshmallow with horns." Edmund rolls his eyes. "The giant centipede was another incident. Though it didn't destroy anything except our house" Then his eyes widen back up again.

"I get this feeling that you don't believe anything that we're saying." Pearl remarks.

"I had my whiff of weird on my profession and I have to say this would be top 2."

"Top 2?" Amethyst seems surprised.

"Top 1 would be the time I had to explain how and why a woman in her underwear traveled 12 miles to a farm in order to beat up a cow armed with a pot lid and a French baguette, the best part? This already happened before, thrice, and she won every time."

"I want you to tell me honestly." Pearl takes a deep breath. "Can you fix this?"

Edmund fixes his glasses and puts away the papers then rests his head on his hand.

"Truthfully, everything looks bleak. You can't pay for the damages, you more or less admit that you did it and you are against the Mayor. From a scale of 1 to 10, you are on the negatives. But…"

"But what?" Pearl asks.

"Right now, I couldn't say for certain." Edmund pulls out his phone to check the time. "I have to go now; I will be back tomorrow to finish things up. Remember; don't say anything if anyone asks you about the case."

The Gems nod and the man leaves. They share glances at each other waiting for someone to say something.

"Do you think everything will be fine?" Pearl asks her companions.

"Nah, don't sweat it. Everything is going to be fine, right?" Amethyst turns to Garnet.

"I don't know."

_Meanwhile…_

"Steven are you hungry?" Connie asks her friend who was too distracted.

"Nope." Steven answers as he gave a smile.

*rumble*

"Right… So you wanna eat something?"

Steven nods with a thankful smile on his face. Luckily, Big Donut was nearby so they go there to find something to eat. Lars was eyeing someone while Sadie looks fairly upset with this. In front of Lion Lickers stand was a brunette in formal attire. She seems to be rather intrigued with the item.

"Lion Lickers? Lion… Cat…" She chuckles. "How subtle."

"I wouldn't buy that if I were you." Steven accidentally startles the older woman.

"Oh, hi, hello. Why shouldn't I buy them?" The woman asks.

"They're expensive, they taste horrible and look at them, and they don't look like lions!"

The lady complies and gives the item closer inspection. It was ridiculous, one looked like a Cyclops, another had three eyes and one looked like a woman in heavy makeup that had been crying for the whole night.

"Thanks for the heads up." The stranger smiles at Steven. "I'm Clarissa Withers and you are?"

"Steven Universe."

"How about you young lady?" Clarissa turns to Connie.

"I'm Connie Maheswaran, a pleasure to meet you." The girl then offers her hand which Clarissa accepts.

"Are you single?"

Everyone redirects their gaze at the counter. The question came from Lars which earns him a punch from Sadie. Clarissa could only bite her lip as her face turns red. She then shakes her head in approval.

"Are you alright?" Connie asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine. So Steven, which donut would you recommend?"

Steven then looks around. "I think you would like a double chocolate donut."

"Nice choice. Three double chocolate donuts please."

"Umm…. I'm sorry but I'm not allowed eat those." Connie interrupts.

"Oh? Why?"

"My parents say they're bad for me."

"Oh dear I'm sorry. Just two please." Clarissa then says to herself. "I weep for this poor child."

Sadie then packs the donuts in two separate packs and hands them to the pair. Steven then takes a bite and smile with glee. He and Connie thank their newfound friend and leave the place. Clarissa waves them goodbye and starts to munch on her food.

"What an adorable little couple. Steven Universe, now where did I hear that name before?"

Then it slowly dawns on her.

"Oh no."


End file.
